Wisdom Rising

Self-Acceptance, Attachment Styles, and Reparenting Your Inner Child

• Christine Renee, Isabel Wells, and Shantel Ochoa • Season 1 • Episode 23

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In this episode of the Wisdom Rising podcast, we delve into the transformative journey of Inner Child healing, exploring forgiveness, attachment styles, and the art of reparenting. Discover how embracing self-acceptance can reshape your experiences and allow you to let go of the past, creating space for a more vibrant present.

We redefine trauma, emphasizing that even the smallest childhood experiences can have profound effects. By examining the complexities of childhood trauma and the limiting beliefs that stem from it, we highlight the validity of all experiences and their deservingness of healing. We trace these beliefs back to our formative years, particularly ages zero to eight, uncovering their influence on our adult lives.

Through personal stories and expert insights, we illuminate the path to transforming core beliefs, empowering you to embrace the present moment. We dive into the nuances of attachment styles and how they impact our growth and relationships. Learn to nurture both the wounded and healed aspects of your inner child, understanding the significance of reparenting in reclaiming your personal power.

Join us on this ongoing healing journey as we integrate past experiences, cultivate forgiveness, and embrace our true selves, all within a supportive community ready to nurture your growth every step of the way.

Moon Rising Shamanic Institute Links:
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Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/moonrisingmystics
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Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@moonrisinginstitute

Book a session with Isabel: https://calendly.com/into-the-deep/schedule

Book a FREE 15 minute connect call with Izzy: https://calendly.com/moonrisinginstitute/connect

Book a session with Christine: https://calendly.com/christinerenee/90-minutes-intensive

Book a FREE 10 minute connect call with Christine: https://calendly.com/christinerenee/10-minute-connect-call-srpt

Speaker 1:

It's time to remember your divine purpose and limitless potential. Welcome to Wisdom Rising, the official podcast of Moon Rising Shamanic Institute. Join shamanic Reiki practitioners Christine Rene, isabel Wells and Chantel Ochoa as we guide you on a journey of radical self-discovery and spiritual guidance. Each week, we'll dance through the realms of shamanism, mysticism, energy healing and personal development to illuminate your path to true healing and self-sourced wisdom Through weekly inspired conversations and interviews with leading spiritual and shamanic practitioners. We are here to help you acknowledge, reconcile and balance your energy so that you can awaken to the whispers of wisdom rising from within. Welcome back to another amazing episode of the Wisdom Rising podcast. I'm so excited to be joined with Christine Rene, our Moon Rising visionary, today as we dive into inner child healing. Our inner child is the energetic embodiment of all our childhood experiences, memories and emotions. They are the child within and they carry the energy of both our wounds and our greatest joys. Our inner child, just like us, has a wounded or a shadow side and a healed or a light side, and in today's conversation we dive into the four stages of inner child healing the importance of self-acceptance and why acknowledging your childhood traumas, whatever they were, comes before healing. We discuss adopting a new definition of trauma, one that's based on your own personal experience and perception of the event. How we can connect with our healed inner child, why forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting but is still vital to our healing journey, how we can allow inner child work to be joyful, the importance of sacred spaces for healing, and so much more. So if you are interested in connecting with your inner child, learning more about the steps along this amazing journey and getting some practical tools, tips and techniques to help you begin healing in your own way, then this episode is for you. Before you dive in, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast so that you can get access to new episodes sooner, and be sure to join our Moon Rising Shamanic Mystics group over on Facebook so we can keep the conversation going.

Speaker 1:

Without further ado, let's dive in to today's episode. A welcome welcome to another fantastic conversation. I'm joined today with christine renee as we dive into talking about self-acceptance and the importance of sacred spaces when it comes to inner child healing. So our intention for today's conversation is really to bring light to those four stages of inner child healing and how, when we dive into this realm, when we really open ourselves up to the idea of healing our inner child, how we can do so in a way that feels in flow and easy.

Speaker 1:

I think so often when we hear the words inner child healing, we immediately feel the weight of what that could look like, right, when we're thinking about all of the everything that happened in our past and, oh my gosh, now we have to go in and heal that right. But that's not what inner child healing has to be, and so our hope with this conversation is that we bring a new light and a new perspective into inner child healing, where we can really embrace all of the healing that's available to us here in this topic, while also bringing in that light and that flow and that understanding that this can be a gentle process. It doesn't have to be hard, it doesn't have to be painful, and, although we are working on in many cases with inner child healing, we are working on healing childhood traumas or these deeper pains or issues, we can do so in a way that is really gentle, by acknowledging where are we in the present day. And so I would love to just kind of start this conversation with a little blanket overview of what we perceive as the healing process for inner child healing cure, and then we can dive into each stage, one at a time, and really talk about why each one is so important, whether you go through it in this order or out of order, right.

Speaker 1:

So when we have identified that we're ready to do some inner child healing, right and I think that's something that I want to start with from the very beginning is it's not a must, it's not a necessity, it is something that is fully in your free will, self-autonomy, sovereign choice to decide if you want to do inner child healing.

Speaker 1:

Now, that's not to say that it's not incredibly important for your healing journey, but that's to say that I don't want anyone listening to this podcast to feel like they are forced into a place of needing to do inner child healing. I think that that's one of the things that, from the start, if we can choose to engage with our inner child in a healing relationship, that's one thing that can help our inner child already feel more seen and heard and safe, whereas if we feel like we are forced into this kind of thing, it can create some tension from the start. And so if we're able to come into a place of acknowledgement, which is this first stage of healing, acknowledgement for the fact that things happened in our past that caused wounds or that were painful or that have affected us continuously into our adult life. When we can acknowledge that and say you know what? There is this part of me that's ready for healing. There is this part of me that's crying out for my attention and my help.

Speaker 1:

That's really where this process starts is if we can bring it into this really grounded place of acknowledging something was not okay, something happened and it's impacting me in a negative way and I'm ready to heal it. And then we move into the next three phases of acceptance reparenting or healing, and release and renew. And we'll kind of go into each of those phases one at a time throughout this conversation. But I'd love to start here in the acknowledgement phase and talking about why it is so important to have this moment of. This is what happened, it wasn't okay, it is hurting me and I'm ready to heal it.

Speaker 2:

And that really goes for any level. I think that there's a lot of misconception around. Well, I only need to do that work if I have. You know the big trauma of my childhood and every single person has childhood wounds, period. There was always cause. Our parents aren't perfect. No one is perfect. We can't have a perfect childhood. It doesn't exist.

Speaker 2:

There will always be a time in our childhood where we felt in that moment as a child that we didn't get the love, the support, the care, the nourishment, whatever it may be, and it made me feel whatever it was Right.

Speaker 2:

So I think that there needs to also be this recognition that, yes, some people have childhood trauma but we all walk away from childhood with childhood wounds and wherever you are in that spectrum is going to help support you moving into this understanding and acknowledging that there are limiting beliefs that were developed there Right, and so that's part of that acknowledgement phase of like wherever you're at, recognizing that there's probably pieces that need some love and care and support and that that's a really good first starting point, that recognition that my childhood wasn't perfect and that there and every childhood that you know, if we can find that, also the opposite, like those little slivers of beauty, those slivers of love, those slivers of whatever it may be and maybe there's a lot of them and knowing that, wherever you're at by stepping onto this journey is okay, there's not a right or wrong.

Speaker 2:

Or you're better than the me, or you're at by stepping onto this journey is okay, there's not a right or wrong. Or you're better than the me or your suffering is worse. Like, let's take ourself out of the comparison of whose childhood trauma is worse than mine or whatever it may be, and go and just come to this place of. This was my childhood, this is what I felt in that moment and this is what needs to be healed, and so part of that acknowledgement is understanding that we all have childhood wounds.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, and we can bring into this conversation as well this kind of more modern and accepting definition of what trauma really is, right? I think so often when we think about trauma, particularly childhood trauma, we think of the big ones, right? I think so often when we think about trauma, particularly childhood trauma, we think of the big ones, right? The big things that immediately come to mind that are often external, circumstance-based, they're based on what happened to you, and that's what we typically take as our main definition of trauma. But I would love to invite into this conversation the idea of trauma as an experience, meaning it's anything that causes you to deny yourself, that causes you to feel like you weren't lovable, you weren't enough, you weren't worthy. It's any situation where you walk away from it feeling like, on a fundamental core level, you did not receive a need, and by a need I mean that love that you deserve or nour. So often we hear, well, I didn't have it as bad as X, y, z or so-and-so, had it worse or it wasn't that bad. And what I would love to bring forward is this idea that if it is hurting you, if it is real in your head, if it is causing you discomfort as an adult, then it's real enough, then it was painful enough, then it was an experience that deserves healing, no matter how it compares in this hierarchy, because that hierarchy doesn't exist. That hierarchy is something that our minds created to turn away from the pain that we're feeling. It was a way that our minds decided to rationalize I don't need to feel this pain as much because so and so had it worse. Let's let that one go, let's let that step aside and come back into. This is my experience and it is causing me real pain. It is causing me real discomfort in my adult life and therefore I owe it to myself to do this healing work. I owe it to younger me, I owe it to adult me to say this healing work. I owe it to younger me, I owe it to adult me to say I am worthy to receive the love, care, attention, nourishment, whatever that I didn't receive in that moment. And so I think, when we bring in this definition of trauma, this is where we can also start to bring in this understanding of where limiting beliefs really come from, which is a really foundational conversation to have when we're talking about inner child work. So, as a child, right, we are in this subconscious state right.

Speaker 1:

So from ages zero to around eight years old, depending on which field of psychology you're working with, is when our subconscious mind is developing, and this is when our brain is creating a framework for how to quote unquote accurately view yourself, the world and your place in it. So if you think about this like, you enter into the world in your mind space with a completely blank canvas, and every single interaction you have with a parent, a teacher, a peer, a fellow student, a, whatever it is becomes a stroke, a paint stroke on that canvas, and it tells you this is how the world works. And so that means that everything that we experience, every conversation we have with our parents, where they're operating from their own sets of beliefs and passing it on to us, those beliefs from our parents get interpreted as facts in our subconscious mind. So we take on the beliefs and narratives and opinions of those around us as a reality or a truth about how the world works in our subconscious mind. And if you think about the majority of difficult experiences that we have in our childhood, many of them happen between the ages of zero to eight, and so the way that our subconscious works is it's designed to keep us safe.

Speaker 1:

And so, essentially, if you go into a situation right, and let's say, for example, that you, as a child you're maybe five you're really hungry. You didn't get breakfast that morning Something happened. Maybe your mom had a meeting, your dad's at work, you just didn't get breakfast. And so you go to tell your mom hey, mom, I'm really hungry. And you happen to catch her at a stressful moment and she lashes out at you and she's like not, right now, I don't have time for this. Da da, da, da, da.

Speaker 1:

Your subconscious mind is going to say oh, I see, when I speak up for my needs, mom gets mad. When I speak up for my needs, I get pushed aside. When I speak up for my needs, love gets taken away. So therefore, my needs aren't worthy, my needs aren't deserving of being heard. I am not deserving of being heard. And voila, you have this now pretty substantial limiting belief about where your needs fit on the table of worthiness.

Speaker 1:

And a lot of times they don't, because it's our subconscious mind's way of telling us if you just avoid this behavior, then you'll get to keep the love, then your needs will be met at some point right, and so this behavior, then you'll get to keep the love, then your needs will be met at some point, right? And so this is where limiting beliefs come from. It's these moments when something happens in our external reality and our subconscious mind says, okay, if this action had this result, then if we just avoid that action, that result won't happen. And obviously that's pretty flawed logic, right, because there's so many areas of life that go into each and every single interaction that we have, right? But as children, we don't have the emotional, mental or energetic capacity to be able to process everything that goes into each experience or each situation that we have, and so we take it at face value. We take it as I spoke up for my needs and now mom's mad, and we create this limiting belief from that.

Speaker 1:

And we can even take this one step farther and look at the work of Dr Gabor Mate, who has this theory that I have found to hold true in our students, myself and my clients this idea that we have a core limiting belief.

Speaker 1:

Meaning it's whether it's the first or it's the deepest, it depends on the person, but it's this fundamental limiting belief that every other limiting belief will come back to. So meaning that if you took on this fundamental belief about yourself that you're not enough, you're not worthy right they're usually these big limiting beliefs Then every other belief you form in your life will be rooted in this fundamental core belief I'm not enough. And so then, if you have the secondary limiting belief my needs are not worthy to be met we can trace that back to because I'm not enough, because I'm not worthy right. And so we can bring it all back to this core belief, and it's in that space that inner child healing can really open up for us when we switch our understanding to knowing that those opinions got taken on as fact, those experiences got taken on as reality and now we're dealing with a framework that was based on faulty perception.

Speaker 2:

And I would love just to take a moment to like take a breath and go. Here are some of the most common fundamental core limiting beliefs, because sometimes if we can slow down and hear them and going, oh yeah, that's the one it can really help. I don't know how many times in my own moments of freak out and on alignment that I've come to Isabel as my coach and going like she's like remember, here's your core limiting belief. Let's just go right to the root and work from there, because when we can identify it and know that it's, it's false, we can start unraveling the whole thing wherever you're at. So when your adult self, so we have, like your, you, the the limiting core, limiting belief of I'm I'm inherently flawed or I'm uh, I'm unlovable or I'm a burden. Which other ones do you want to add, isabel? You had a couple there. I try not to get the same ones.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, I think we can look at. You know, I'm not worthy, I'm inherently flawed, I'm not safe is often a big one. But you know, I really do find that most of the time I would say it comes back to either I'm not enough or I'm unlovable. One of those two and often I'm unlovable is rooted in I'm not enough. It's this idea that we are fundamentally broken or flawed.

Speaker 1:

For me, my personal core, limiting belief was I am wrong. It was just this core belief that no matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter how I'm acting, if something happens it's my fault because I'm the one who's wrong. And when we think about this right and I think this makes it so much more poignant when we have an actual person giving us an example of this right, because it's nice to think, oh yeah, okay, I'm not enough, I can see. But think about it right. If there is a person let's take me as this example who's holding onto this belief of I'm wrong, then every single word, every single action, every single thought is going to be under scrutiny 24-7 to figure out where is that wrong coming from? What's the thing I'm going to say that's going to cause this relationship to fall apart. What's the thing I'm going to do that's going to cause this job to not end well? What's the thing I'm going to do that's going to ruin my finances? Right? When we look at those areas of life that we talked about on the podcast a few weeks ago, those fundamental areas career and finances, family and friends, sexuality, business, etc. And we look at how our core limiting belief impacts each and every one of those, think about how, if your rule right, if your fundamental rule or idea for the be-all, end-all of how the world works is I'm not enough, I'm unlovable or I'm wrong, think about how incredibly difficult life becomes if that is the belief that you are carrying around 24-7, because that means that you are constantly going to be living your life trying to make up for yourself, and I think that this is one of those hallmarks of when someone is ready to dive into inner child.

Speaker 1:

Healing is when you get to this point where you wake up in the morning and you realize I am trying to make up for the fact that I exist, I am trying to make up for the fact that I'm taking up space and breathing air and having interactions when I'm clearly so unworthy of being her, or when I'm so clearly hurting other people with my words or when I'm so clearly XYZ. But we have to also temper that with this understanding that that so clearly is based on a faulty perception. It's based on the very, very limited perspective that we had as a child in the middle of an incredibly complex situation, no matter which kind of trauma or childhood wound we're talking about, right, even something as simple as that example we used earlier of when you're hungry, your mom's in the middle of something stressful and she lashes out. There are already so many layers and dimensions to that experience alone and we simply don't have the capacity as children to be able to understand. And yet we carry the burden of that belief with us into our adulthood. We carry the burden of believing that that experience, that that takeaway, is true. And so one of the most powerful things that we can do when we begin our inner child healing journey is, yes, acknowledge this happened and it wasn't okay. Right when I was five years old, my mom didn't feed me that day and she yelled at me and that caused me to feel hurt and sad and scared and unlovable and not enough, and all of these things and I can recognize, as an adult, with the perspective that I didn't have as a child, that there was more to that situation than I took on. There was more to that situation than I could see, and that it wasn't about me, it wasn't my fault, even though at the time that's the only framework that I have.

Speaker 1:

Right, as children we are very just by nature of our brain development, self-centered. It's not a bad thing, it's just the nature of our childhood development. And so every experience becomes what does that mean about me? And so when we begin inner child healing and we begin this process of acknowledgement, we get to do the work of looking at what was that experience? How can I bring in my adult perspectives of what could have been happening there? Right, could my mom just have been in a really stressful situation? Knowing that that particular line of questioning has its limits when it comes to some kinds of trauma? Right, we have to be really aware of that.

Speaker 1:

But the important thing is looking at this experience caused me to feel this way. In that moment I took that experience to mean X Y Z about myself, and that's now impacting me as an adult in X Y Z ways. And once we bring in that acknowledgement. That's when we can start to step into the next phase of healing, of coming into a space of acceptance and forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness and we'll come back to that one, because I know that word often gets us peaked up in this conversation and that's normal. But it's so important that we come into this space of acknowledgement first, because so often we want to skip over it, so often we want to do that game of it wasn't that bad. It's not really impacting me. I should be able to handle this better.

Speaker 1:

Because we are basing our actions off of that belief that I'm not enough. And if your belief is I'm not enough or I'm not lovable or I'm wrong, then the act of looking at your experience and saying this is how it made me feel. This is how it makes me feel now you're not worthy of doing that work. If you're still playing from that old rule, if you're still living off of that old belief, then your brain's going to try and tell you you're not worthy to look at it. It living off of that old belief, then your brain's going to try and tell you you're not worthy to look at it. It wasn't that bad. So let's understand where that core limiting belief is. And can we take that first step to healing and saying you know what? Maybe that belief isn't true, maybe it was just something I picked up at the time? And can I take that first step to healing by acknowledging this is what happened, this is how it made me feel and this is how it's still impacting me today.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think one of the things that really kind of sparked for me in that and this discussion was that you know so many of my clients, students, when we start doing this work, and especially when we do things like timeline techniques or some type of hypnosis, doing this work, and especially when we do things like timeline techniques or some type of hypnosis hypnosis and we really go back to the events and their takeaway, the lessons, the learnings from it is it wasn't my fault. Whatever was going on, it wasn't my fault. And that's like this pivotal moment of recognition of I took it on as my fault that I asked for food, that I didn't, and I upset my mom. And now, to come to this conclusion, as an adult, going it wasn't my fault, there were circumstances that I didn't have any control over and it wasn't my fault. And oftentimes that's where I see that it leads into self-acceptance and self-forgiveness and I can make new choices and changes and dissolving those limiting beliefs because it wasn't my fault.

Speaker 1:

And I think that is something that so many of us pick up on right In those moments of childhood trauma. Is that idea that it was my fault right? That's often the narrative that we hear is somehow and again, it's because our subconscious mind is in that state of being where everything is self-focused. So if something happens in our reality, it must say something about me and so, therefore, it was my fault. And so when we can bring all of this awareness right, all of this awareness of our subconscious mind of what a limiting belief truly is, of how those limiting beliefs impacted our perception and why they were formed in the first place, and we can come into this space of acknowledgement, then we can step into this space of acceptance and forgiveness. And so what I mean when I say acceptance and forgiveness is understanding that often our inner child feels a need to be forgiven by our adult self, or vice versa, right. And so, again, if you think about this idea that we're carrying forward, this belief of it was my fault or I am unlovable or I'm not worthy, when we come into this space of healing and we acknowledge everything that happened and how we felt about it, when we allow ourselves to fully step into the space of this is how I felt. The reality of that situation, the reality of those feelings, the heaviness of those feelings can come forward and that desire for forgiveness can come through. And I think it's a really beautiful piece of inner child healing, not because we need to be forgiven, but because in the act of that forgiveness whether it is our inner child forgiving us as adults or vice versa in that act of offering forgiveness to ourselves, we release our tie to the past. We release those energetic cords that are sending us back to the event or the person that we were connected to when those wounds and limiting beliefs formed. And in doing so, we're giving ourselves the greatest gift that we possibly could, which is the freedom to arrive in the present. And so, instead of being beholden to our past or linked to our past, or constantly dragged back there with our energy going backward, we can release those cords and come into the present and say now, how is it accepting me today, how is it impacting me today? And that's where that acceptance comes in. When we step into this place of forgiveness and I see you and I'm sorry you're opening that door to accepting what happened, while creating space for new experiences in the future.

Speaker 1:

And so this is especially where I want to put here that forgiveness does not mean that it was okay, and I think this is a line that gets blurred a lot in inner child healing is this idea that if we forgive, we forget, and that's not what it means. What it means is whether you contain that forgiveness within yourself, of that relationship of inner child to adult, or you feel called to extend that forgiveness outside of you to the person that you were involved with is entirely up to you. But when we can focus that forgiveness on this self-forgiveness, it allows us to stop punishing ourselves, right? It allows us to step out of that pattern that we were talking about earlier of trying to make up for our existence, trying to make up for the fact that we exist because we believe we're not enough, we're unlovable, we're not worthy, right? So when we bring in that self-forgiveness, we bring in this understanding that I'm allowed to exist, it's okay, it's okay that everything that happened before happened. It's okay, because when we give ourselves that permission to exist, when we give ourselves that acceptance for what happened, we open the doorway to accepting what happens next, to accepting that we have a future, we have potential, we can make new choices and it's okay.

Speaker 1:

One of the biggest phrases that I hear come through in inner child sessions is it's okay that I didn't know then what I know now. I think that's often this space where guilt starts to come in is this idea that, as an adult, when you finally see it and you realize this is what happened, this was the limiting belief that formed, this is the pain that I felt, this is the experience that I had. So that idea that why didn't I know, why didn't I do better, et cetera, et cetera. Right, and so when we step into the space of forgiveness, we step into the space of it's okay, you were okay, we're okay now and I forgive you, not because you need forgiveness, but because that is a grace that you can give yourself, to allow yourself to release from the past and fully step into the present, where healing is really going to occur.

Speaker 2:

You know, while we're talking about this, I've been unfolding a new limiting belief that I wasn't aware of over my retreat while I was in Costa Rica, and it's that I'm not a priority, you know, and it kind of is intertwined with you know, a little bit of I'm unlovable or I'm um, and and it really kind of I had to kind of peel it back Like I was feeling it currently I'm not a priority and and this person's life and it makes me feel bad. But then when I start moving back into the past, I could see how my past marriage I didn't feel like a priority. And then I could see that my father didn't make my mother a priority. And then I keep peeling it back and go wait, mother a priority. And then I keep peeling it back and go wait, my dad didn't make me a priority, right. And so there's this uncovering like I went from current day trigger of not feeling like I'm a priority, and then going where did it originate from and when I could go all the way back, and when I could go all the way back I could then decide to forgive the situation and also go the way I heal from this is I make my own priority. I'm no longer going to give my power, my sovereignty, my heart to someone else to let them prove to me that I'm a priority, prove to me that I'm a priority. I need to make myself a priority and put myself first and then claim my power, claim my sovereignty, and that is the healing process going like if I felt unlovable, well, the, the counterparts, that is, choose love for oneself, right. And so there's this, this huge opportunity to go.

Speaker 2:

What was I missing then? And how can I overflow my cup and my current adult self to say I am a priority? And if I was going to make myself my number one, priority is me like. What would I participate in? What would I say yes to, instead of giving my power to someone else to prove to me that I'm worthy to prove to me that I'm a priority, and recognizing like that's not going to, it's not going to fix anything.

Speaker 2:

But if I choose myself as a priority and then have opportunities come up and then I can say you know what that doesn't feel good and I'm making myself a priority, I'm freaking lovable. I can say you know what that doesn't feel good and I'm making myself a priority. I'm freaking lovable. I can love myself better or more. And so I'm going to choose, I'm going to make an, I'm going to make a different choice, right? And so I think that kind of recognition that sometimes we get triggered and we have to kind of spend some time peeling back the layers of going where did I actually originally feel this? And then honoring yourself in the process, is so huge.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. And it brings us back to that idea of honoring yourself and honoring and accepting what happened and how it's impacting you today. And it brings us into that third stage of healing, which is this idea of reparenting, or healing. And this idea of reparenting is something that's really popular right now in modern culture, which, in a way, I kind of love I love that this is a thing because it's so powerful.

Speaker 1:

It's exactly what Christine is saying of how can I give myself today what I didn't have before, how can I nourish myself, how can I love myself, how can I take care of myself, knowing that it's not a selfish thing. And this is something that, again, I think is really important to understand about how childhood wounding shows up in our adult life, because when we are a child, we are dependent on other people. Our power is inherently external based, and so when we take on these limiting beliefs, when our subconscious mind is forming, it is formed in a world where our power is not our own. Our power is other people's, and if we don't have parents or situations or an environment that cultivates our capacity to transition into this understanding that our power is actually ours, then we step into adulthood with this belief that our power, our worthiness, our health, our well-being all belong outside of us. They all belong to other people. And this is where we see things like this chronic self-worth epidemic that we're currently in, where we're just looking to other people for validation and we're just looking to other people to tell us that we're okay because we're carrying forward this framework from childhood where it was up to our parents if we were okay or not. It was up to our teachers if we were doing a good job, because our power wasn't our own. While we're in the process of making that subconscious mind right. And so one of the things that we can do when we step into an adult space of inner child healing is recognize again that faulty set of beliefs that we have that were so important at the time, they were so healing at the time, they were trying to keep us safe at the time. And yet we're not children anymore. We're not 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 anymore.

Speaker 1:

Right, we are adults and our power has shifted from being external to internal. We are the makers of our choices and of our life and of our energy and how we express our power. And that is one of the things that I think reparenting often falls short of mentioning that this is why we're doing it. We're not reparenting it because we're still children and we need help. We're reparenting ourselves from this perspective that in this time and in this space, I can recognize that I need reparented because the framework for my life has shifted. My power has shifted from being external to internal. And so I have an entirely different set of rules to play by. I have an entirely different set of options and opportunities and capacities and abilities available to me to call on. And so I need reparenting because the framework that I have isn't working anymore.

Speaker 1:

And so we can take it from this idea that reparenting isn't just, you know, giving yourself a hug when you need a hug.

Speaker 1:

It is, but the reason for it is so that you can recognize that you can give that love to yourself, that you can make these choices for yourself, that you have the power today that you didn't have as a child to make different choices.

Speaker 1:

And so this is where I often come back to this idea of don't you owe it to your younger self to use the power that you have today, to use your ability to make choices that you have as an adult, to go back and heal the things that your inner child couldn't at the time? Don't you owe it to yourself to step into your power and really claim that fact, claim the fact that I have power, I have knowledge, I have opportunity. I do not have to rely on other people to tell me I'm okay, like I did as a child. Can I step into this healing and reparenting space where, once we have acknowledged what happened, we've practiced acceptance and forgiveness to allow ourselves to arrive in the present. Can we then, in the present moment, come into that awareness of my power is here. I am my power, I am my choices. I can choose differently, knowing that that framework that I had doesn't fit anymore, and that's okay.

Speaker 2:

You, know, one of the things that I am really curious about. I don't have a solid right or wrong opinion on this yet. Like it's still information and it's been information for months. I'm trying to come to a conclusion, but I'm going to share some of this thought process with you all and that's that, like, what we're talking about is that we have the power to heal within ourselves. We have this innate right and worthiness to go on this journey and to say, yes, I can recognize my limiting beliefs, my childhood wounds, my, these, these places and spaces that formed the limiting beliefs and and and working theory that that we we are, we develop into these anxious attachment styles, or the avoidant attachment styles, and that the, the ones who come into alignment and have done the healing work, or that they've had a secured home, are the secure attachment style.

Speaker 2:

And you know, I I read wired for love by Stan Takken, who is a, you know, a PhD relationship author, like leading author in this area, and his opinion is very much like the way we heal is through our attachment and re, but we're reliving those childhood opportunities in relationship today that we need this other person, the secure attacher, to be able to, the secure attacher to be able to relearn how to interact in relationship, to relearn how to love oneself, is by having these situations play out again in our adulthood with a secure attachment so that we know it's safe, and I just find the whole concept really interesting. Not that I necessarily agree with that. I see where he's coming from and I also believe that we can do a lot of this healing work as a single individual and not be dependent upon finding a secure partner to teach us that we're lovable. You know what I mean. Like I really I'm having a difficult time with the attachment perspective.

Speaker 2:

On that, we the necessity to fully heal is to have a secure relationship in your adulthood, and I also am like we're very much, you know, in relationship as adults, whether it's in a romantic relationship or other relationships, and that there is this opportunity when we enter into relationship with others that it can be a healing relationship, that when we can have this space and the safety which is really what's available in a secure relationship, to say, yo, I'm triggered right now from something that happened in my past and I need you to understand that I need some space around this or I need some love around this, or whatever it may be and to be able to be a self advocate for what, for what you need in that moment. There's a huge opportunity for healing in a relationship if you have a conscious relationship with the other.

Speaker 1:

From my perspective, coming from someone who had an anxious attachment style and has a partner who has an anxious, avoidant attachment style, which is our ultimate dynamic duo, right? The one who gets attached and clingy and the one who gets anxious and runs away. I have my perspective on this and, like Christine is saying, none of these are be all end all perspectives. These are our thoughts that we're having as we unfold in this process as well. I think that the opportunity for healing isn't from that idea that we need someone else, but I think it's that when we are in a single environment, right, when we don't have another person, a specific person, right, not our community or our best friends or things like that, but a specific person that we are connected with and we're doing this healing work and we're looking at our limiting beliefs and we're uncovering all of these things. There is so much that we can do in acknowledging no, this is my power, or I can love myself, or I can set myself as the priority right. But I think that when we step into a relationship space, it's almost like it gives us an opportunity to test that, because when you are in a container of a sacred relationship, speaking your truth takes on something very different than it does when you're single. It calls you to a different level of honoring your path and honoring your voice and honoring your feelings. That maybe doesn't feel quite as poignant if you're on your own, and that's not to say that I think you need a person, but what I think it is is that in those relationships we have a moment of this really deep opportunity to really look at how much do I actually believe I'm worthy of love, how much do I actually believe I'm worthy to be seen, Because seeing yourself is a different dynamic than being seen by someone else, and so I think I would disagree with that doctor on the fact that we need someone.

Speaker 1:

Discover our attachment styles and look at how did my experience from childhood for me that was continual patterns of abandonment lead me into a relationship where I'm just waiting for him to leave, I'm just waiting to wake up and have you not be there.

Speaker 1:

And how can I acknowledge that? That is a specific, particular wound that really can't be healed by myself, right, because I don't really have a choice. I'm never going to leave me. Right? I'm kind of stuck with me for all intents and purposes, right, like you are with yourself for life, and so something like an abandonment wound is something that can only be healed with another person. You can heal your ability to believe that you're worthy of staying. You can heal to believe that you are worthy of receiving that love. You can heal to believe that you are worthy of receiving a lifelong connection, but the act of actually receiving all of those things can only happen within the context of another person, and so I don't know that it's that we need someone in order to heal. I think it's just that it gives us another angle with which to approach that healing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely, and it really is a good book. It's a great couple's book to really understand attachment styles and it's called Wired for Love and to really have these homework assignments throughout the book for a couple to work on, to learn how to develop trust and communication and build this sacred space to to fully trust the other person. And um, and so I really it really wasn't a great book. I just fundamentally question, like parts of it and knowing that it all comes back to, how were we raised and really understanding the attachment style?

Speaker 2:

From there and before I read the book, you know, I I only understood attachment style from the perspective of a parent.

Speaker 2:

You know, like I knew that I needed to keep my child near me and sleep with them and breastfeed as long as possible and all these things to show up for my child in a way that says I'm never going to leave you out, I love you inherently and completely, like you are my priority and that's what I'm going to give my child.

Speaker 2:

And so I hadn't looked at it from the angle of an adult and adult relationships before, the angle of an adult and an adult relationships before, and I think it's a. It's an interesting concept to fully understand so that you understand yourself better and what your, what your um, what you lean into more of. Are you an anxious person that has waves of emotions and that waves are are asking for reassurance constantly. Or are you more of the avoidance style, where when things get hard or emotions are felt, you run away from them? Because most avoidance didn't have a safe place to communicate emotions in their childhood, and so just understanding that deeper level of how these two are developed and how the secure individual is developed is really a really wonderful concept to add into when you're doing this inner child work.

Speaker 1:

And it really helps us bridge these last two phases of healing when we're going from reparenting or healing into the last stage of release and renew, because it gives us an opportunity to look at what are the patterns that you're bringing with you from childhood and how can you use that awareness that we developed at the beginning of this to bring it into the present and look at what are those patterns now and how can I choose differently, how can I begin to use that reparenting or that idea of bringing my power back into myself to start healing those connections, healing that attachment style? And also, this is where we see the opportunity to bring in our healed inner child. And our healed inner child is the portion of our inner child that, like Christine was saying at the very beginning, holds on to those happy memories, holds on to the things that were good or the moments that we felt joy or we were creative or we were using our imagination, or we were inspired or we were connected to these emotions and these experiences that really only young children can really poignantly feel right, that ability to get lost in a daydream or in our imagination, or to just create for the joy of creating and not care what comes out of it, or to laugh like that full belly laugh that you see in two-year-olds. That just gets you laughing because it's just so pure. That is our healed inner child, the one who carries those memories and that energy. And whether those memories and energy were just a really tiny part of our childhood or they were the majority, right, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1:

We all have, in addition to our wounded inner child, we all have this healed inner child, this energy of joy and fun and play and creativity and imagination that, when we step into the stage of the healing process, we can begin to call them in and look at. What was your perspective? How can you help this wounded part of my inner child to heal? How can I bring in those energies of fun and play and creativity and imagination and joy so that this healing process can truly be healed and it can help us to shift into this last phase where you might feel this call to almost merge with your healed inner child, right? So, as you're going through this, if we think of this as like a continuum, there's your wounded inner child, your healed inner child and then, you right, your wounded inner child is the one that has those limiting beliefs and has those wounds and has these things that they're carrying forward. And as we go through this healing process, they begin to release that and merge more and more with our healed inner child, the part of us that knows that we're safe, knows that we're lovable, knows that we're worthy, knowing that that's a process that takes a long time, but eventually you might come to this point where, whether it's with your entire inner child or just an aspect, you realize that there doesn't need to be that separation anymore, where they can either merge with your entire inner child or just an aspect. You realize that there doesn't need to be that separation anymore, where they can either merge with your healed inner child fully or they can merge with you as an adult and you realize that here and now I am safe, here and now I am lovable. Here and now I am enough.

Speaker 1:

And, yes, that healing journey is going to continue throughout my life. Yes, I'm going to have moments where those triggers come back up and I have to work back through the patterns, but I can do it now in a space of consciousness. I can do it now from an adult perspective instead of getting sent back into that three-year-old, that five-year-old, that six-year-old mindset, because I've done the work to realize that that was the past and I'm in the present and as an adult, I can heal. As an adult, I can be conscious. As an adult, I do have that knowledge and that wisdom and that power and that perspective to be able to make a different choice.

Speaker 1:

And so you begin to bring your inner child along with you so that it no longer feels like you're constantly being pulled into the past. Right, it's like you're stepping into this new life, like on the end of a into the past. Right, it's like you're stepping into this new life like on the end of a hero's journey. Right, where they return to their original scene and they're different, they're changed and they have to figure out. How does that look? Now there comes a moment in this inner child healing and there may be several moments. Right, Because healing is that cycle. It's not like we're ever done, but it's that that layer has been peeled back and we can integrate it.

Speaker 1:

And then look at now in my daily life, what choices am I going to make instead, now in my waking adult life, like Christine was saying, how can I love myself?

Speaker 1:

How can I make myself the priority? How can I live life healed, because that is something that we haven't done and we have to relearn how to do. Done and we have to relearn how to do. But if we keep ourselves stuck in that feeling of needing to be healed, that stage of integration often gets left behind. And so it's this balancing act of realizing that there will come a day when another layer peels back right. There will be another day when another childhood wound is ready to be healed, but for right now, this one that I've spent so long healing, this inner child that's ready to come into my daily life and be reconciled and accepted, can I allow that to be fully integrated and say here I am, I'm in the present, I've done the work and now I get to learn what it means to live healed and to live whole and to live with this new added layer of perspective and self that has returned through this whole process of inner child healing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it Right, and so I. I I'm constantly coming back to this space of how do we hold the sacred space of being sovereign within ourselves, how are we able to say yes to our decisions? Like, are we really holding our alignment, our truth, our wisdom, our knowingness from within and making decisions from there, instead of giving other people our power to make decisions for us? Right? And so I feel like that in and of itself, is a journey. When we were, when we were children, we didn't have that power. We didn't have that, that, we didn't have the choice Right. And so, especially if we move through more experiences as teens and as young adults where we still felt powerless, right, like I think there's a journey into our own power to be autonomous, to be sovereign, and when we can alchemize that understanding within ourselves that I am true, I am whole, I am worthy, I am loved, and I can receive that from myself and from source first before we seek it from others. Like, you make different choices, you make different choices. You make different choices. You make choices that are going to be more in alignment and not going this. There's this. What I recognize in myself is that and we've talked about it on the podcast and the archetypes conversation.

Speaker 2:

Like that internal prostitute that's like I'm going to reduce my values, my integrity, in exchange for and where do we get caught up in that process of saying, well, I guess I really do want this, this person, this thing, this, whatever, and so I'll make myself less than so that I can receive it. I'll change my integrity, I'll change my values, I'll change my values, I'll change my worthiness because I think I want that thing. And knowing that that process isn't healthy, how do we alchemize that internal archetype of prostitute that thinks that there needs to be an exchange versus? How can I be fully in my power and say this is what I'm available for and this is what I'm not? And if you're not, like, if it's a no, it's a no, like I don't need to change who I am because I want the thing that you have. I can find the other thing somewhere else or from within myself. I don't need it from you if I have to change my integrity, my values myself.

Speaker 1:

I don't need it from you if I have to change my integrity, my values. And noticing how we can even tie that back into directly, that idea of our worth and being accepted, right. So often, when we're in a stage of resonating more with our wounded inner child than with our healed inner child, we see that prostitute archetype play out in I'm going to be a people pleaser. I'm always going to say yes, I'm never going to say no. I'm going to do what you want me to so that you'll love me, so that you'll accept me, so that I'll feel worthy. And this conversation at the end of the day, is an invitation to ask yourself if you're ready to feel worthy in yourself, to ask yourself if you're ready to receive that love from yourself and if you're ready for your power to come back to being internal instead of external-based, and if you are knowing that this is a process. It's not going to happen overnight, right? Inner child healing is a lifelong process and it happens in cycles and waves. Every time you peel back a layer, there's another one underneath, but that doesn't mean that the healing isn't happening. It connects us back to this idea of the shaman's ladder, where we're basically looking at a spiral. There's no hierarchy, there's no better than, but it's just a wider level of consciousness and a wider level of perspective and a wider net of healing. Each and every time you peel back a layer it. So it is a process, but it's a process where you're remembering your power, where you're remembering your worth, where you're remembering your truth. And if that's a process that you're ready to engage with, we're ready to support you in that, whether that is simply by inviting you into our Facebook group so that you have a community of like-minded souls, or that's working with one of us one-on-one so that you have a really solid sacred container, or that's joining us in our Soul Rising Shamanic Reiki class where we dive really deep into inner child healing.

Speaker 1:

Whatever it is that you need on your path, knowing that it's okay. Whatever you need whenever you need it because that is the first step of doing this work is asking yourself what is it that I need and can I give that to myself? Can I claim myself as worthy to receive that here as an adult, when I have that power of choice, when I have that power of perspective and when I can do this work to bring myself back in and, like Christine is saying, instead of stepping into that prostitute energy, of basically giving your energy away so that you'll be loved and accepted, can you let yourself save a little bit of that energy for yourself and use it to claim that you're ready to heal here and now? And that really is our invitation to you today as we wrap up this conversation, knowing that we have so many resources.

Speaker 1:

We've gone into inner child healing many times on the podcast, so if you're interested in hearing more on this topic, we'll leave the links in the show notes to our past episodes with all of those, and I hope that you found some inspiration and healing in today's episode, knowing that listening is just one step of many. Right, as Christine says, awareness is our first step to healing, and so, as we have this awareness, we invite you to connect with us, right, whether that's sending us a message, sending us an email, joining our Facebook group. Connect with us so that you have that energetic agreement and momentum to keep moving forward in this work for yourself, if it's what you feel called to do.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for listening and taking your time out of your day to really listen and feel into what's coming up for you. Like. This is a really great opportunity to go grab your journal and go noticing what little trigger points popped up for you during this conversation and starting to bring in that awareness of how can I unfold it to allow the golden nugget to reveal itself. So tears to today's golden nuggets and so many more. Thank you all so much for listening.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, and until next time, may you awaken to the whispers of wisdom rising from within. Thanks for tuning in to today's show. The Wisdom Rising podcast is sponsored by Moon Rising Shamanic Institute. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the show on your favorite podcasting app and be the first to know when we release a new episode. You can find us on Instagram, facebook, youtube and TikTok at Moon Rising Institute, or visit our website, moonrisinginstitutecom to learn more about our mission and find future opportunities to connect with our community of shamanic mystics. Once again, thank you for sharing space with us today, and until next time, may you awaken to the whispers of wisdom rising from within.